it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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