Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize