having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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