She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
