the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
