i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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