no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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