APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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