The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
