That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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