Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
