Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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