man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
