You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize