chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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