WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
