I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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