so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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