okay pat passed out under dana's car
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
