i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I want is dick and wine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
