I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
