His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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