I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal