May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.