two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house