so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
