Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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