I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just blew my weed a kiss
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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