I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
