I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
