i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
