why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
