She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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