Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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