so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
