its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..