party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
