every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize