OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
