Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
