It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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