Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
