my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
