she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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