I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
