i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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