Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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