she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
