My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
