i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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