I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
