found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
operation have a gay friend backfired
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
