i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
