there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
