I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
