I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
