I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
