dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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