I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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