He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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