If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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