I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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