eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
