He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my being single is dangerous.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
